Nine ridiculous things I’ve stressed out about this week
Stress has got to be one of my biggest pet hates. It’s a useless, energy-sapping emotion. And although there are plenty of things for us all to get stressed out about for real both for ourselves and others, this isn’t a blog about this. There are others who can write about those issues with a lot more eloquence and argument than I can. This is a post about the ridiculous things that have the power to stress me out, hopefully to make you laugh. But equally likely to make you ponder whether the best Christmas present for me would be, in all honesty, a strait jacket.
1. Did I leave my hair straighteners on? Was the tap dripping as I left? Maybe the best thing is if both have happened, and then the tap flood can put out the hair straighteners’ fire. My neighbours are going to be really angry with me burning down the house (repeat thought at odd intervals throughout day).
2. I have really quite itchy, dry eyes. My mascara has probably given me an eye infection. Or my eyeliner. Why can’t I afford a better liquid eyeliner than Rimmel? Where is my money going? If I have an eye infection over Christmas I’m going to be really pissed off.
3. Red signal on the tube? Again? RED SIGNAL? Why does this always happen to me? Please start moving soon. No one will believe the District line is this crap and I’ll be late
4. Am I going out enough for someone my age? Or, am I, in actual fact, going out too much? How much red wine on a Monday does an alcoholic make? I don’t make enough home cooked meals. Oh wait, I don’t think I got properly involved in Monday’s rounds. People will think I’m a rounds-avoiding wanker. I probably am a rounds-avoiding wanker.
5. Why don’t I remember things the way I used to? Is it normal to keep forgetting words? I forgot the word for ‘blame’ the other day. It’s the red wine. It’s rotting me (repeat number 4 for a bit).
6. The guest list/table plan/cost of my entirely imaginary wedding. Would I have to invite partners to the imaginary ceremony?
7. I don’t think I eat my five a day enough. Do the contents of a burrito count, or does all the cheese and carb cancel it out? I need to be better at organising my meals. I waste too much food and it’s not normal to have to go to Sainsbury’s Local every day.
8. *While reading article on how cardio makes you skinny fat* Who the hell came up with the term ‘skinny fat’? How unfair is that? Even if you exercise, you’re screwed. No wonder I feel like a balloon on legs most of the time. Bloody cardio.
9. Christmas is now less than a month away. Less than A MONTH.
- Image attribution: Mindaugas Danys